Of Silence

I am wrapped in echoes of silence. Renowned as tranquil, in this particular moment the sound of silence is deafening. I attempt to escape but I am numb.

I close my heavy eyes trying to deceive my ears in earnest. If I cannot see, then perhaps this piercing loudness can wither away. I sigh. Like slow morning sunshine seeps into a room, I breathe in all the colors of life.  Though when I open my eyes, I see the colors blend into hues of black and white. Darkness has become my only sun. I wonder how can sunshine make me burn inside.

Suddenly a curtain descends in front of my eyes. It traps all of my senses. A wave of emotions crashes into me. I’m shattered into a million little pieces. Instinctively, I look around. Everything appears the same. Even though I realize it is all so different.

What I see in front of me is nothing I want to embrace.

I’m paralyzed.

Small incoherent thoughts begin to cloud my head.

What is this?

Why is this?

Why me?

Why now?

Why again?

When will it go away?

There’s a crack in my soul; it tugs at me in all the wrong places. I can feel the void. The taste of bitterness contains me. I’m drowning. My broken soul cannot drift to the distant shore of hope.

Irony of ironies is how emptiness can hurt, how nothingness can cause pain.

A cage of sadness traps my tears in words I cannot say.

I scream in silence. 

Never thought your love would take me here

Never thought you’d feel you must leave

Never thought your love would burn me

Never thought I’d lose the one thing I truly believe

~ misteca

Heart of Gold

If you sit back and remember
times that were lenient and tough,
You’ll find that the reality in your heart now
Was an old dream you were thinking of.

You’ll find that no matter how lonely you are inside
Your heart is still filled with love
and full of light through all these years
while your surface has dulled above.

When you think that all is gone,
there’s still another side
made up of nice feelings and emotions
that your beauty has managed to hide.

But have a look deep inside of you,
and though your looks may have gone cold
the inner sides are full of smiles,
and warmed with your heart of gold.

What you gained through memories of pain
is through your heart a tear,
& as you draw in your last breath,
you cool it to calm your fears.

You’re not alone, although many things you had are gone
Rubbed off from your surface & cheaply sold
Growing up is what it’s called.

No one knows that behind this obvious pain,
& dreams that calmly drove you insane,
There are still valuable remains
Of your broken heart of gold.
~ misteca

"Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words, and never stops at all." ~ Emily Dickinson

Tell Me

Tell me how high can you
fly with broken wings
Tell me how long can you
survive a broken heart
Tell me how many tears
can drown away your sorrow
Tell me how can you breathe
with so much emptiness inside

Tell me how can your dawn rise
amidst the darkness around you
Tell me why the sunshine
makes you burn inside
Tell me is there an ocean deep
enough to bury your pain
Tell me how can you smile
when your spirit is barely alive

Tell me how can your broken soul
drift to the shore of hope
Tell me how can you love
when you lost faith in your heart
Tell me how can you trust
with shadows of doubt all around you
Tell me how can you be strong
on these shattered grounds

Tell me what good is tomorrow
when you can’t keep up with today
~ misteca

I wrote this back in school - a younger, less burdened, hopefully just as passionate me